Stuff.

Thanks for the love and sweet comments on my (really my mom's) recent post. I hope it brought some comfort to at least one person out there. That was truly my main goal. One of my favorite verses in the Bible comes from 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.
                             

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 

Sometime after my Dad died I'd hope somehow I could bring some comfort to someone going through a loss or any kind of grief that I had experienced. There really is not much you can say, except simply listening and letting the person cry and saying "I understand" and you really do! 

Anyway, this post is simply what the title says...just stuff. Sometimes I just feel like discussing things that have no relation to each other at all. And I can do that because it's my blog. I'll even list them numerically so you won't get confused. 

1. Friday night me and the boys went to my Mom's. Justin went to Memphis, so he dropped us off at her house. She wanted to take some pictures of the boys at the cemetery, by my Dad's grave. Which isn't as creepy as it sounds. I personally don't enjoy going to cemeteries...I didn't even like it before my Dad died. They just make me feel weird. My mom goes and makes sure there are flowers. She actually told me when she dies to please come and put flowers on her grave and my Dad's....don't worry Mom...I'll do that..just for you though. Anyway, she actually got some sweet pictures. Luke was calling it "Grandad's backyard". Pretty cute I think...much better than what it really is. Kids say funny things. 

Sweet

2. The recipes for pumpkin anything on Pinterest is starting to get crazy. I mean how many things can you possibly think to put pumpkin in before it gets weird? I don't really like pumpkin that much....yes shocking! I will eat pumpkin pie...but it's not my favorite. I made this pumpkin/cream cheese/chocolate chip bread last year just because I wanted my house to smell like pumpkin. It actually wasn't too bad, but I couldn't eat but one piece of it. This year I just bought a wonderful smelling candle from Bath and Body Works called Leaves. Go buy it.  Now I won't have to make pumpkin anything. 

This is the only pumpkin thing I will eat. 

3. Which brings me to my next point. I really love candles....like a lot. It would be a dream of mine to have an endless supply of candles. I could just let one burn all day. They are my favorite thing. That really is a great gift for me....incase you're wondering. I'm kind of obsessed with my house smelling good. And that's really hard to do when you live in an old house...that smells like an old house. I like my Scentsy too...but I need more wax things...hint hint...another gift idea. 

4. Luke has officially decided he wants to be Peter Pan for Halloween. So that's what he will be. I want him and Jude to "match". Last year they were Batman and Robin...which was the cutest thing ever. So I got to keep up with the cuteness. Luke told me Jude could be Wendy. Jude would make a cute girl...but I won't torture him too much. So, I think he will be Jake from Jake and the Neverland Pirates...they sort of go together. 

5. Justin will be officiating a wedding for one of his best friends/former roommates from college this weekend. It will be in Walnut Ridge....our former college town. I'm excited about seeing some friends and hopefully taking a little tour of our former college. Justin and I both use to work at this family owned restaurant called The Pizza Den while we were in college. To say I'm looking forward to eating there is an understatement. They have the best poboys. Yum. Seriously, if you are ever in that area...go there and eat some delicious food! We will bring Luke to the wedding but I'll be leaving Jude with my sister. The thought of bringing Jude to a wedding makes me all stressed out. 

6. Luke and I did a few preschool things last week. I found this fun Fall printable pack. He enjoyed doing it. It was our first attempt at any kind of school related stuff. His favorite thing is the glue and "making" a pencil in the pencil sharpener. Whatever makes him happy. I have purchased the Letter of the Week curriculum from Confessions of a Homeschooler. I still need several more supplies before we can really start it. Especially a laminator. But I am not worried about beginning anything too soon. I really don't want to put too much pressure on Luke yet. If he asks me to do school stuff we will do it. We will probably start the curriculum once I get more supplies and it won't be something we will do everyday. Plus, I have this other child that enjoys destroying things when I'm not looking and who also, I believe, has outgrown his morning nap. So, I've got to figure out something he can do while I do somethings with Luke. I'm sure if I just gave him some food he'd leave me alone. That kid loves to eat. 

He loves that glue. 

Well that's all the stuff I got today. I hope everyone has a great week/weekend! 

10 Years.

Ten years ago today my family's lives changed forever. We lost the man most dear to us...father to us three kids and a loving husband to my sweet Mama. Somedays it feels like it's been so long and others I can still remember and feel that overwhelming feeling of loss. Each of one us (brother, sister, and Mom) handled and dealt with our grief in our own way. Everyone does. I felt like I dealt with mine the way I should and in a healthy way. I still cry over my Dad's death and miss him dearly. I think right now in my life not having him here is the hardest. I wish I could have had an "adult" relationship with my Dad....I had only just turned 17 when he passed. I wish he could have met Justin. And of course he would have been thrilled to have two grandsons! I grieve now not only for myself, but my children, who unfortunately will never know him personally on this earth. But I as look over these last 10 years I am so thankful for God's grace and love towards me. I know my life could have been so different had I gave into my overwhelming grief and not relied on Him and Him alone for strength. There is no other way I would have made it through. He has blessed our family despite our terrible loss. 

I thought I would write more today, but instead I wanted others to hear from my Mama. She has such a wonderful way with words. I tell her she should write a book! I watched my mom grieve through those early days after my Dad died and it was terrible. I would have done anything to take it away. I grief for her too. Now, that I am married, I can't even imagine having to deal with that kind of loss. So, here are her words. I hope they will be a comfort to someone who has dealt or is dealing with a loss...I know for me I liked reading or talking to someone who understood exactly how I felt. 

_______________________________________

My daughter, Laura, asked me to be her guest blogger today.  The reason is not a happy one, for this day marks the 10^th anniversary of the death of her father and my husband Mike Henderson.   I first started writing this blog as if I was speaking for all of us (my three children and me) and then I realized I couldn’t speak for all of us, only me.  I know my children have grieved differently from me and even from one another although they experienced the same loss.  They have tried to protect me from their pain and I’ve tried to do the same for them.  Grief is such a personal journey.  Although there are many similarities in each journey, they can be as unique and different as each person.  So, I will only speak for myself today.

September 26, 2003. 9:14 pm. UAMS. Death came. Lives changed forever. We traveled the three hour trip home from the hospital in the back seat of our dear friends’ vehicle.  All four of us, side by side holding on to one another in silent disbelief.  As I stared blankly out of the car window, the same thought rolled over and over in my mind, “This is the worst day of my life.”   And even now, ten years later, this day still brings back that same feeling of helplessness and despair.  Images and sounds engraved in my mind forever. The heartbreaking sound of my baby daughter crying out, “Daddy, Daddy” as she fell on her daddy lying in the hospital bed.  My sweet Laura lying with her head in my lap as we listened to her daddy’s labored breathing during his last few hours.  Waking up to the sound of my son as he lay weeping on my bedroom floor that first night without his daddy.   Lying face down on my closet floor day after day begging God to let me see him one more time knowing He would not answer my prayer.  We went into the cancer journey with Mike Henderson expecting the best yet experiencing the worst.

Today, I still don’t have any answers.  I still don’t know the purpose of Mike’s death other than he was one of the favored ones for he received his reward early.  I still haven’t figured out my purpose now that he is gone other than the same one given to all believers which is to further the kingdom of God.  And just like in the beginning of this journey, I often feel disconnected, lost and floundering. Even though I have healed, I still hurt. There is a hole.  An emptiness.  A cloud.  Happy times, sad times, fun times, normal times…it’s there.  Like the proverbial white elephant in the room.  It’s just a part of who I am now.  It is not what I want for myself but I have accepted it as part of this life that I’ve been given.

Surely after ten years, I should have something profound or wise or super spiritual to say. Surely I would have learned something that would make everything right and purposeful. All I can seem to think of is that through it all I’m thankful for my salvation and for the Bible. The Bible has been my constant guide and comfort.  It is the Truth even when the truth hurts.   My salvation through Jesus Christ alone is my Hope for eternal life and keeps me looking upward.  That’s all.  

At one point in his cancer journey, Mike wrote, “It’s easy to forget that God is in control, that all that happens is filtered through His love and plan for me. I know it’s true!”  This reminds me of the child’s prayer, “God is great, God is good”.  God is great (sovereign and in control). God is good (loving and kind). Sometimes it seems the two contradict each other. How can cancer be loving and kind?  How can leaving three children without a father be a part of God’s Sovereign plan? How can a loving Father send His only Son to die for someone like me? It doesn’t make sense; yet trusting in the Truth that God is in control and He loves me is what brings the most comfort and peace. Yes, He is filtering all that happens through His love and His plan for me. How did Mike know this was true? How do I know this is true? The Bible tells me so.

One of my favorite passages of scripture is in John 6.   After a long day of listening to Jesus’ teaching, a group of followers turned away when the cost of believing in Jesus was too great, His words too offensive.  Jesus then turns to his disciples and says, “Will you go too?” Peter replies, “Where would we go? You have the words of eternal life. You are that Christ, the Son of the Living God.”  When my mind is full of questions and heartache and the tears will not stop. I think of that question Jesus asked, “Will you leave, will you go, too? Is the cost too great? ” And my response is the same as Peter’s,”Where would I go? You have eternal life, you are that Christ.”  You are great. You are good.  You are my salvation.

Ten years. September 26, 2013. Mike’s death forever changed our lives. A part of God’s sovereign plan.  But more importantly, his LIFE changed us.  A part of God’s love.  We have great memories that make us cry and laugh and praise God for the blessing of knowing and loving him.  Not a day goes by that I do not wish he was here with us and oddly at the same time I rejoice that he has received his reward early. For I know that my worst day, September 26, 2003 was Mike Henderson’s best day.  It was his heaven day. His faith became sight.  One day.. I will get to heaven and I will see Jesus, my Saviour, The Living Word of God.  One day I will be with Mike longer than I was without him. One day my worst days will be no more. One day…one glorious day.

Thanks Mama. I love you. I also loved that she talked about John 6. I love that passage. Justin actually preached on it not too long ago and I remember tearing up after hearing Peter's response to Jesus. "Where would I go?" I think of that often. There is no where else to go. Jesus is all we need. 

Cotton.

You know those weeks where the only way you know you've made it without running away is by the grace of God? Yeah...that was my week last week. Having two sick babies close to the same time is enough to make you go crazy. I've cleaned up so much throw up and poop in the last couple of weeks its ridiculous....nice huh? I'm just praying for no sickness and a better week.

It's now officially my favorite time of year, so it has to be a good week...right? I love fall. I love all of the things/events that it entails. But one of my favorite things is the return of cotton in the fields. Oh, I love it. It brings back a weird nostalgic feeling. I've lived in Northeast Arkansas pretty much my whole life. So, I've been around cotton a long time.

Beautiful. 

When we lived in Leachville, our house wasn't far from a cotton field. The neighborhood kids and I had this treehouse that was right by a cotton field. We use to have cotton ball fights. Not the actual soft cotton but the hard cotton ball before the cotton pops out. I'm sure the owner of that field appreciated that. When we were at Maple Grove Baptist Church in Trumann, my favorite event was the fall festival. We would actually have cotton rides, instead of hayrides. It was so much more comfortable than riding on hay and fun!

I'm not real sure why, but seeing the return of cotton and seeing a beautiful cotton field reminds me of my Daddy. He had nothing to do with cotton. So, I'm not real sure why it brings up memories of him. I guess because we always lived around it when we were growing up. Justin and I lived in Memphis for a while during the time he was in seminary and there are no cotton fields in Memphis....just in case you didn't know that! I can remember a time driving to this area and seeing all the cotton growing and actually having tears in my eyes...weird I know. I have no idea why a simple thing as a cotton field brings up such strong emotions for me, but I love it anyway. I guess it's just a reminder of home and my childhood, and my Daddy was obviously apart of that.

I really want to take our family fall pictures in/beside a cotton field. I'm hoping we can try and do that this year. I think it would be so pretty. I also need someone to make this for me:

Love.

I saw this on Pinterest (of course) the other day and I have to have it in my house someday! Anyway, now you all know about my weird love of cotton. I have a feeling I'm not the only one though...well maybe I am.

Hope everyone has a great week. Stay tuned...I may have a special treat for you guys this week. A guest post that I'm sure you will all enjoy.

Home.

We are home from our week long vacation. Back to the land of mosquitoes. Seriously, I think someone played a practical joke on us and left our door open while we were gone. The amount of mosquitoes in our house is just crazy. My poor babies have bites all over them! Which then makes me go all crazy on any mosquito I see. Please cool weather get here fast...or I'm moving.

Anyway, we had a great time at the beach. I've already posted some pictures on Facebook so I won't bore you with them all over again. We had a couple of hiccups on our trip. Jude got sick one night (of course) Apparently Jude can't go anywhere without getting sick at least once. He also had a major explosive diaper while as we were leaving a restaurant. I'm talking poop...everywhere. I always carry extra clothes with me when we go anywhere, due to the fact that both my boys were excessive spitter uppers...I'm just use to it. But of course this one time I forgot to pack something. So, we leave the restaurant with just Jude in a diaper...classy. We stayed with our best friends in a condo together. They have three boys around the ages of ours. Their littlest one had diarrhea all week. Poor baby and Mommy! But we all made the best of it. That's all you can do when you have kids...go with the flow! You never can predict what they are going to do. You can plan for a perfect trip and then someone will get sick or hurt themselves..it happens. But we all still managed to have a great time. It was nice to get away for a week...from the mosquitoes. Have I mentioned I hate mosquitoes?

I hope Luke will be able to remember this trip. He got to go with his best friends and he had so much fun! He still can remember things from last year, so I hope he will remember this trip for a while. I have some great memories of trips our family would take with friends to the lake. My Mom and Dad had some best friends from a church my Dad was a pastor at in Leachville. They all had kids around my age and my brother and sisters age. We always had such a fun time. I miss those trips!

This week will be spent cleaning/unpacking from our trip and getting back into our regular routine. Which will include me getting back into running/working out again...ugh. I had planned to run while we were gone. I did....once. But I decided I'd just enjoy my week off. It was super nice not worrying about it and eating whatever I wanted. I'm sure once I weigh myself it won't be a good sight. Oh well, I really am not too worried about it. I pretty much took the whole month off anyway. But now it's time to get back on track...especially before the holidays get here and before I go shopping for some new fall clothes. I have zero things to wear that fit me right now. For the past 4 years I've either been pregnant or bigger during the fall/winter months, so I'm pretty excited about buying new fall stuff that's smaller than usual. And I sold/got rid of all my stuff I had from college or when we first got married. I love fall clothes, so I'm looking forward to that shopping trip...thanks sweet husband!

I also have to get the boys some fall/winter stuff as well. I will be going to the Popsicles consignment sale in Jonesboro in a few weeks. If you haven't been to a consignment sale you must go! It is the best way to buy your kids clothes...unless you are super rich and can afford to buy new things... but we aren't so we do it this way. The clothes have barely been worn and some haven't at all and they are at great prices! I got Luke lots of cute stuff last year. Kids/babies go through things so fast. It just makes more sense to buy them slightly used. You can also sale your used stuff as well. I did last year, and made a little bit of money. I didn't have much to sale this year, plus I didn't have the time. If our next baby is a girl I will have lots to get rid of! (no, I'm not pregnant)

Time to make my starving children some lunch! I hope you all have a great week. :)

Food.

One of the traits I received from my Daddy was our love for food. We both loved to eat and enjoyed going out to eat. Only difference is my Dad could pretty much eat whatever he wanted and however much he wanted and still remain tall and skinny. I, on the other hand, can not seem to get rid of this baby pooch and my inner thighs still rub together when I run...seriously..will that ever go away? I guess there was a time when I was a teenager/early college years I could eat whatever and remained tall and skinny, but oh how that's changed!

Anyway, I've had a few people ask me what kind of things I've been eating and recipes I have been using since losing my weight. I find almost all of my recipes on Pinterest. There are a ton of low calorie recipes on there and it's been a big help for me. But I know sometimes you pin something and not sure if it will be worth your time trying and then it turns out to be yucky. So, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite recipes that I make quite often around here. Also, the other little (and big) men in my house seem to enjoy it. Now, I wouldn't necessarily call a few of these recipes "healthy". I do not eat a clean diet. I still eat carbs, sweets, and processed foods (the key is moderation..which still can be a struggle for me!). I do eat my vegetables and fruit and try to incorporate those in my meals. I just try to find things that are low in calories or adjust the recipe to be that way. You can pretty much make any recipe lower in calories by just making a few changes.

Mini Mexican Pizzas

One of my favorite fast food meals is a mexican pizza from Taco Bell...yum. I would eat them at least 1-2 times a week when I was pregnant with Luke. Which would explain why I gained about 40 extra pounds! I found a recipe similar to a Mexican Pizza HERE. I made them like that once but I decided to change it just a little. I usually make these for myself for lunch. Justin hates refried beans (or beans of any kind really). Jude loves refried beans...so I usually put some on his tray when I make these and he eats them like crazy! You could substitute ground turkey for beans if you are not a refried bean lover.

Ingredients
2 yellow corn tortillas
2 T of fat free refried beans (I actually may use a little more than a tablespoon on each tortilla...I don't know but it's around there)
1 T of Mild taco sauce (again I'm not real sure how much I use here...I just spread it on the tortilla..it's not a lot)
2 T of queso dip (my favorite queso dip is Kroger's Viva Con Queso, Monterey Jack and Salsa...it's delicious!) 
1/4 cup of shredded cheese (any kind you like...you can use fat free if you prefer..sometimes I do..depends on what I have at the time) 

Preheat your oven to 350.

Lightly spray tortillas on both sides with cooking spray. Place on ungreased baking sheet. Bake in the oven for about 3-4 min. Take them out and flip them over and cook them for another 3 min. I like mine good and crispy. But try not to burn them...that would be sad for you. 
You will want to warm your refried beans in the microwave until warm. Probably about 2 min.
When your tortillas are done spread a tablespoon of the beans on each tortilla. Then spread your sauce and dip. Place some cheese on top (you may need to use more than 1/4 cup...sometimes I do) 
I then place the tortillas in the microwave to melt the shredded cheese...about a minute. 

These are so good. It really is like eating a Mexican Pizza...fixes that craving anyway! You can add tomatoes or shredded lettuce as well. We don't keep tomatoes around here very often...nobody else likes them but me and I don't like them that much! For two tortillas these are 300 calories...according to myFitnesspal. Compared to the 530 calorie Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell, I'd say that's pretty good!

Sour Cream Noodle Bake (lower calorie version)

I love the Pioneer Woman. She makes some great recipes and she's pretty funny. Sour Cream Noodle Bake is one of her recipes I found on Pinterest and it's delicious! I decided to tweak it a little bit so it would be less calories. If you are weary of the sour cream title don't worry. It only has a half a cup of sour cream. There's actually more cottage cheese than sour cream...which actually may make you more scared. Don't be though...you can't taste it! Trust me...I hate cottage cheese.

These are the ingredients I change:
- Ground chuck - ground turkey (I promise...you can't tell the difference!)
- Egg Noodles - Whole Wheat Egg Noodles
- Sour Cream - Light/fat free sour cream (you could substitute with Greek yogurt if you wanted) 
- Small Curd Cottage Cheese - Low fat small curd cottage cheese

Everything else I keep the same. This makes about 8 servings and it's only 229 calories a serving! For how good it is, that's a pretty good deal! Seriously...go make this...we love it! I usually make some corn with it and I've got to have some bread. :) (click on the name of the recipe and it will take you to her original recipe)

Green Beans, Chicken, and Potatoes
I don't have a picture for this one. I forgot to take one the other day. I don't know another name for this recipe besides the one above. I'm sure most of you have seen this one on Pinterest. The recipe is HERE. The first time I made this I was not impressed. It really didn't have any flavor. So, with the dry Italian dressing seasoning, I added dry Ranch dressing seasoning. I also cut up some squash and add that to the dish. I add some olive oil as well. I use light butter and don't use a whole lot. It tasted much better the next time! I also use chicken tenderloins instead of chicken breasts. The chicken was more tender that way. This recipe is only 203 calories a serving. I think when I calculated this I only put it as having one piece of the chicken tenderloins, so I usually eat two pieces of chicken and of course I have to have some garlic bread with it...I like bread.

Skinny Baked Burritos

This is one of our favorite recipes. These are seriously so good. I don't adjust anything to this recipe. I leave it the way it is. She says to use low carb tortillas, I just use whole wheat most of the time. You can find the recipe HERE. These end up being more calories than what she lists them as. At least they were when I put them in the myfitnesspal app. They come out to 389 calories for one. But one burrito is plenty! You will be full.

So those are a few of our favorite low calorie recipes. I have a few more, but I'll share some more later. You can go to my Pinterest boards and find some recipes I've pinned. I haven't tried all of them..yet.

Oh and....we leave for the beach in 3 days!! We are so excited and in need of some vacation time. We will be leaving early Saturday morning and will be gone a week. I'm sure I'll have some pictures when I return...hopefully. I can be bad at not taking pictures when we go somewhere. I need to get better!

Hope everyone has a wonderful week/weekend!