It's like a brick in your pocket....

I'll start by saying this post is going to be a little sentimental and some senseless ramblings...so you can't say I didn't warn you. And I'm pregnant so my hormones and emotions are a little crazy right now...(I love getting to use pregnancy as an excuse for my emotions...but seriously it's true!) Anyway, a few weeks ago I was watching an interview with a widow of one of the victims of 9/11. She was asked how she feels now 10 years later after her husbands death. I loved her explanation and it has stuck with me since. She said it's like having a brick in you pocket. When her husband first died, that brick was so heavy...she felt it everyday...it was hard to do normal everyday things. But after a while she got used to it, she could go on with her daily routines/events...but there would be times when that brick would become heavy again and the weight would be overwhelming...(like on the anniversary for instance). She said the brick will always remain, the weight may not be as heavy as it use to be, but it will always be there. And you could see that in all the faces of the people that were interviewed...and as the people looked at the names of their loved ones on the memorial in New York...yes, it's been 10 years, but the pain and emotions of losing someone will always remain....you will never forget.

 I can relate to what this lady described as death being like a brick in your pocket. Monday will be 8 years since I lost my dad to cancer. 8 years...I can't even believe that. Anyway...within the first days/weeks/years of his death that brick was heavy...very heavy. The weight of the emotions and sadness from his death was so strong it was overwhelming at times. As the years go by I got use to that brick...the pain wasn't as strong. But there are times that brick does become heavy again...for example..graduation from high school, college, my wedding, having Luke, every time I go visit Maple Grove (his last church he pastored)...and now being pregnant with this second baby. It goes to show that , yes time does heal the intensity of the pain...but the pain is still there. As long as I'm living on this earth, there will always be reminders that he's not here. I'm sure anyone that has lost someone so dear to them can relate to this. 

Well in other news..pregnancy news..I'm feeling much better. The sickness is starting to subside...not sure if it's the drugs my wonderful doctor gave me or just the end of the sickness time...who knows...I'm not going to stop taking this medicine to find out though. I like being able to eat without wanting to die later. Also, Justin doesn't have to work on Friday nights anymore and he only works one job on Saturdays...so the weekends are much more enjoyable than they use to be. And tomorrow is...Friday! So I'm excited...it has become movie night and Taco Bell night...yeah I know it's lame...but my cravings for Taco Bell have started again and to avoid eating it every day (like I did last time...and why I gained a gazillion pounds) I get to treat myself to Taco Bell on Friday nights now...so needless to say I'm really looking forward to tomorrow...it's the little things in life. 

Before I end this really long post....I have to share a cute thing Luke does for those who care...I think it's adorable. Every morning he wakes up and says "befast" (that means breakfast..duh.) and then he says "juice" and gets really excited. So when he wakes up from his nap he starts saying "befast" "juice"...I think he maybe a little confused. I try to explain we only have breakfast in the morning...he doesn't get it though.